28 July 2012

Misconstrued Sun headlines #1

The Sun's best sports journalists get to work.

If you are British and have ever had the mispleasure of reading The Sun, you will probably concur with my opinion that its sports coverage is the worst in the country.

Yes, the Daily Star and the Daily Mirror are pretty awful, and The Guardian and Daily Mail have had something to answer for in recent years, but Rupert Murdoch's paper really takes the biscuit. Their articles are full of hyperbole and speculation, but what really takes the biscuit is their headlines, which are often horrific puns which could easily have been written by Gary Lineker.

Some of these can be misconstrued by non-experts and suggest a completely different news story. It is a selection of these, from The Sun's football homepage, which I will show you tonight, in the first of an occasional series where I expose The Sun as the Ali Dia of British newspapers.

WENGER'S VAN BREAK DOWN
What's the actual story? Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger loses his call as speculation about star striker Robin van Persie continues.
What does the headline SUGGEST? Arsene Wenger was left embarrassed when the vehicle he was travelling in during Arsenal's tour of China suddenly stopped - and he had to hitch a ride in (shiver) a Chinese car.

OFFER MOURA CASH OR FORGET ABOUT LUCAS
What's the actual story? Sao Paulo warn Manchester United that they must offer them more money if they want to sign Lucas Moura.
What does the headline SUGGEST? Sao Paulo warn Manchester United that they must offer LUCAS MOURA more money if they want to sign him. Big difference.

JOL AT HIS WHIT'S END
What's the actual story? Martin Jol's Fulham have a £2.5million bid for midfielder Peter Whittingham rejected by Cardiff City.
What does the headline SUGGEST? Martin Jol doesn't have a clue how to solve the ongoing crisis at Fulham.

BUT LANDS IN GB SHOT
What's the actual story? Birmingham City goalkeeper Jack Butland is named in the England & Wales Olympic squad.
What does the headline SUGGEST? Stuart Pearce has handed a surprise Team Merchandise call-up to the former Russia midfielder Vladimir But.

POD SET FOR NO 10
What's the actual story? Lukas Podolski has been given the number 10 shirt at Arsenal.
What does the headline SUGGEST? POD, the star of BBC Three's Snog Marry Avoid (if you ignore the gorgeous Ellie Taylor), is elected as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

AVB BLASTS DOS' DISS
What's the actual story? Andre Villas-Boas has criticised Giovani dos Santos for saying that he wants to leave Tottenham Hotspur.
What does the headline SUGGEST? Nothing really, but it's abundantly clear that whoever wrote this particular headline should be banned from Fleet Street FOR LIFE.

And my personal favourite from last season...

LIONEL MAKES A MESS OF GOAL RECORD
What's the actual story? Lionel Messi breaks the record for the most goals scored in a European top-flight season.
What does the headline SUGGEST? Lionel Messi FAILS to break the record for the most goals scored in a European top-flight season.

I'm afraid it's true, Lionel. You DID NOT break the European record.

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